What Being A Parent In Prison Is Like
Kos Marte is an antique-yardbird who has, since his expel, founded ConBody, a successful boot camp-style fitness and nourishment counseling service based on his experience in prison.
I've been in and out of jail since I was 13. My last stretch was 4 years: one at Rikers Island, about 2 at Greene Correctional Facility, and I bounced around a couple of others. I got latched astir for running one of the largest drug delivery services in Greater New York. I was charged with bigwig conspiracy, a felony for possessed substance.
I got caught with a kilo and a uncomplete of cocain and a livelong bunch of money. My squad did about 40 direct drug sales to a agent. I was qualification millions as a teenager. IT went behind in 2009 as one of the most significant cases, because I was Brigham Young and everybody impermanent for Maine — nearly 20 multitude — was in their 40's and 50's.
My son Cathaniel was one when I went in and 5 when I got out. I basically raised him o'er the phone — speaking to him with his first actor's line, helping him with homework, teaching him the Alphabet. That's how I up him: over the sound and when he would come to visits. Since he grew up with his mom and didn't have Maine around, helium's not athletic like I was as a kid. I just wasn't there to show off him the jest at role.
Communication 
I talked to him connected the earpiece bad often: every 3 days. When I was in a prison really utmost upstate, we had phone limitations. We could only mouth off on the phone all 2 weeks for around 5 proceedings at once, so it was precise limited at that time. I sent him pictures. I paid people in prison to draw pictures of me and him. I would possess populate draw him cartoons that I'd send him.
Much of inmates make money in prison house by selling artwork. The price for a portrait of my son and Pine Tree State varies depending on where you're at. Rikers Island was much expensive, and it toll 50 bucks. Once you're upstate, you tin begin it wholesale, and somebody volition do it for like 10-20 bucks. I've seen hoi polloi get portraits of their kids — tattoos on their bodies — for like 25 bucks, whole-trunk pics.
Extraordinary guy taught me how to do a picture frame out of chip bags. I would make a bunch of Doritos, open it improving, flip it inside out, and use the metal foil. We'd prune them outgoing in pieces and make a picture frame by interlocking every miniscule small-arm. Then you tie beam it aweigh with a trifle thread of thread.
The price for a portrait of my son and me varies depending on where you're at. Rikers Island was more expensive, and IT cost 50 bucks.
Tribulation
My ex-wife brought my son ended at to the lowest degree in one case a hebdomad to visit me ab initio when I was at Rikers Island. We actually got married at Rikers Island. And then, once I'd past upstate, the visits became limited. She didn't drive, so she didn't have a source of transportation other than the bus to get over up there, so I saw my Son about once a calendar month. The finis year I was in prison, I in all probability sawing machine him twice the whole year.
On Rikers Island there's a table in the visiting room inmates canful't cross, and the visits are 2 hours. I would sneak him in food, like, Snickers bars and Reese's Pieces. I could hug them over the table and take over my son posture on my lap, simply I couldn't circumambulate with him. Erst you get upstate, you have more breathing room. They stimulate a playpen area for the kids. I would take him out there, base on balls around the little house, watch cartoons, hold him, play LEGOs, and read him a book. When I was upstate, they were 6-to-8 hour visits and just better.
The problem is that formerly you have to say goodbye, you can't see him anymore. That's when he would vociferation and be emphasised. He would constitute like "When are you coming home, dad? I want you to go dwelling house! Let's head home!" And he would try to puff me, and I was like, "I lavatory't. I can't." And he would antimonopoly start crying.
That's when that fruition hits: "Damn, I'm stuck." Information technology's just frustrating. You can't break out. You can't do nothing. You're posit property.
'tween me and my son information technology was very hard. That was like a tongue beingness stabbed into my heart. Him seeing me in the situation I was in was selfsame sorrowful for me, and I had this sharp hurting in my dresser. I was super unsuccessful. I thought I'd allow him down.
My dad was in my life, but atomic number 2 worked a lot. I didn't real see him very much, but at least he was in my life. Being a dad for Pine Tree State was like, "Beshrew, I really messed up. And I can't get along nothing about information technology. I just got to deal with this situation."
That was suchlike a knife being stabbed into my heart … I thought I'd let him down.
At the beginning, I was super cold-hearted when I was in the street. I didn't really care about anything. What really hit me rugged was when I got that colorful emotion from my son gross in the visiting room. That's what really made me say I buttocks't go back; this has to block. Not merely for me, just I got to show him an representative and help him out.
Leading By Example
When I grew up, I knew my family loved me, but they ne'er told me they loved Maine. I stress that fact that I love my son. I embrace him and show him way more emotion than I received as a chaff. I feel like that'll support him out. I flub the hell kayoed of him, which is not a redeeming thing, but it feels like I missed wholly this clock of his life, so when helium asks Maine for something, I owe him. My ex-married woman hates it and says, "Don River't do that." So I'm sneaky, and I'll hide it.
Cathaniel is an incredible josh. He's super smart. Atomic number 2's releas to a truly well behaved Catholic school. I was a totally different child than him. I grew up running the streets when I was five years auld. He's protected and has the iPad and video games. I was hitting the streets, not going abode until late. I was non frightened of going downstairs and running around. Information technology's a whole disparate multiplication now.
I take him to my studio. He sees what I'm doing. He sees the transformation that I've had. He sees me along TV. Helium knows my story. He works out with me. He wants to perform what I'm doing. Sometimes he tells me to delay the phone and record him because he's going to try and do pushups or one of the workouts I do. And he's like a trifle chubby butterball, but he has sport, and atomic number 2's cute.
The best I can do is show him an example of how to be a productive citizen and live decent. I could be the greatest role model, but it takes just combined temptation from some peers for him to fall into the wrong habits. I don't see it in him, doing anything wrong similar I did, but you never know.
Everybody has a folk member or knows somebody who's been involved in drugs. He could attend school someday, and one guy will be like, "Hey, you want to smoking around bud?" And helium could follow that way of life. The best thing I tin dress is antitrust show him a good example today and talk to him. At the end of the day, IT's up to Cathaniel.
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